Are You Posh or Non-Posh?

September 5, 2008

Culture

I was surfing through blogs this morning, my mind wandering a little. As I dropped card after card, the thought struck me:

I am not a Posh Mom.

Remember 20 years ago, there was the SuperMom? That was the mom who worked a full-time job and tried to raise her own kids. Didn’t work out terribly well, so a popular new Mom took shape– the “Stay at Home Mom,” aka SAHM. This was the modern woman who chose to stay home to raise the kids. But now, even that’s not enough: now there is the “SuperMom SAHM.” We call her the Posh Mom. She’s the perfect SAHM– she looks a little like Barbie, maybe even dresses and talks like Barbie. She’s real, but there is this facade about her appearance, as if it’s a bit of an act. Who walks and talks and dresses like that?! But Posh Moms get invited to conferences. Posh Moms get interviewed by Other Posh Moms. Posh Moms seem to have allll the fun that we Non-Posh Moms don’t have. When Posh Moms go to soccer games, they don’t go to sweat and cheer for the team; they go to i-m-p-r-e-s-s.

Hm. It made me think. I think most moms are not posh. I think most moms think they want to be posh, because that is what is pushed on us as the perfect SAHM. It’s just like being “popular” in school, or always getting called first for volleyball. It’s an illusion, really. Funny how all the “top” moms– our examples of perfect motherhood, you see– look, talk, and dress similarly. But there’s an “air” about them that smells of manufacture. They can’t fool us– we girls all know that Posh Moms puke when they are sick just like we do; they yell at their kids just like we do. But for some reason, they want to deny it, or, weirdly enough, glorify it because it makes them appear like a “real” mom.

Posh Moms have Kathie Lee Gifford/Kelly Ripa hair- straight but layered and usually colored with blonde highlights. They have long fingernails and they paint them red or with a clear coating. They wear lustrous pink lipstick and their complexions shine from all the exfoliations and facials they have. But Non-Posh Moms have long, brown, plain hair that we often tie back so we can empty the compost bucket without it flopping into the decaying melon rinds. Non-Posh Moms bite their nails to keep them short so that they don’t fill up with dirt while digging for the potatoes. And Non-Posh Moms never wear lipstick, because it just cakes up on their wind-burned, chapped lips. Non-Posh Moms have three or four tubes of strawberry Chapstick… somewhere around the house…

clothes

Posh Moms wear spaghetti-strap t-shirts to show off their angular shoulders. Posh Moms not only own the “little black dress,” they actually wear it when they go out to fancy restaurants with their husbands. Posh Moms have clean, tidy homes with glistening hardwood floors and porcelain lamps on solid cherry end-tables. Posh Moms have lingerie; Non-Posh Moms have nightgowns. And we definitely do not have angular shoulders. Nor porcelain lamps– the kids might break them when they lay out their Matchbox set across the carpeted floor and on the used couch (that we got at a garage sale for 20!). Posh Moms watch Regis & Kelly. Wanna-be Posh Moms watch Oprah. Non-Posh Moms watch DIY Network.

movies

Most of all, Posh Moms LOVE to shop. It’s their main hobby. And they don’t go to stores, they go to “boutiques.” The Posh Mom’s status symbol is The Shopping Bag, it’s an accessory practically glued to her hands. The Posh Mom’s shopping bag is the square paper bag, with “earth-friendly” matching handles. And the bags are always in bright, shiny colors with tufts of tissue paper, to show off what great shoppers these Posh Moms are. We admire them because they are helping the economy.

bags

Non-Posh Moms use the plastic WalMart shopping bag for ther shopping. And when we unpack them, we save the plastic bags to use as trash bucket liners and to leave extra zucchini to the neighbor’s house. Posh Moms have the fanciest strollers, the most fashionable shoes, and they buy the latest fashions for their kids. They usually have extra money around, and they spend it on either makeup, shoes, or a new vase. But Non-Posh Moms hate shopping- the traffic, the pushy shoppers, the noise, ugh. And if we get some extra money when Non-Posh Papa happens to get overtime, we can finally pay off that car transmission bill or buy crew socks for the kids. And when Non-Posh Moms are expecting, everyone knows. And well before the eighth month.

preg

As I continued to think about this, I realized I was calling Non-Posh Moms something that they really aren’t. Non-Posh Moms are not “Non” posh. They’re real. Real Moms. That’s what we should be striving toward– being real and not going with the flow especially as the media defines us (that “flood of dissipation” that 1 Peter speaks of).

So if it means that I don’t get to paint my nails or wear fine clothes or go shopping all day, so be it. I’m happy right here, with my flannel shirt, potatoes, and puke. Well actually, not the puke. That I could definitely go posh with.

offended? see my disclaimer. πŸ˜€

UPDATE: I put this in my comments section in response to a comment, but very few people read through all the comments, so I’m posting this here:

This was a post in jest, poking at the two extremes of motherhood, especially as these extreme images are foisted upon us by the media and fashionistas.

Just for the record **sigh** I am not against nice clothes, going out to dinner, wearing jewelry, getting manicures, hair-dos, The English Patient, soccer, Victoria Beckham, or shopping.

Is everyone happy now?

LOL.

I AM against political correctness, Barbie (die die die), phoniness, the Valley-Girl accent, and mimicking celebrities. And satin lining inside flannel shirts. I hate that.

It’s futile, putting clarification inside a comment box, because I’ve found that so few people read the comments. They just read the post, take it as they see it, and blast their own comment out. I confess that I do that a lot. But that’s why I have my own blog…

61 Responses to “Are You Posh or Non-Posh?”

  1. Luz Says:

    I think I am a “real mom”. No extended shopping trips for my extra clean house with porcelain vases; no manicures or pedicures; no glowing complexion. Hey, and how did you know my hair is brown :-). Though I do have a few lipsticks or shiny lip glosses and I take pride in my appearance when I leave the house. Of course I’d look like a poorly stuffed sausage if I tried the little black dress and yes there are times that I look like a “wide load” ahead, but you won’t catch me in flannel and fleece out in public. I hate shopping because firstly I have no money and secondly it is such a pain to find clothes for my misproportioned frame. I used to complain about how I looked in high school. If I could co back in time I’d go back and deck myself for being such a dolt :-).

  2. mom2my9 Says:

    Oh my gosh, this post was so great it almost made me cry for some reason. PMSing maybe? Anyway, I am totally a non-posh (real) mom and proud of it! The fingernail thing and the Walmart bag thing were totally on. I love it!

  3. Christy Says:

    This rocks and you are awesome. From one Real Mom to another: THANK YOU.

  4. anajz Says:

    Definitely a NON posh mom HERE! This brought a much needed smile to my face today. Thanks!

  5. Penny Raine Says:

    I just loved this.

    blessings, Penny Raine
    http://www.pennyraine.com/blog

  6. Lidian Says:

    Well, Non-Posh definitely!

    I would be VERY surprised if anyone ever said they were a Posh mom, actually…

  7. Rebecca Says:

    Luz, I live for flannel. Greateat invention known to northern man. lol

    Thanks for your comments you Non-Poshers, lol! Yeah, Lidian, I doubt it, too, especially here, after this! lol

  8. Babs - beetle Says:

    Real is good! Posh is shallow. Great post :O)

  9. frogmama Says:

    This post was fabulous. Loved the pictures. Posh grosses me out (is her face going to crack soon puhleeeeze???) and so do the mags that say “So-and-so lost 45 pounds of baby weight in 2 weeks.” It took me a whole year and I am fine with that because you know what? I was busy! Anyhoo, thanks for the great read.

  10. Cy Says:

    Super post! Loved the pics and humor. You got it right on real moms. I’m linking to this. Hope many find it and enjoy.

  11. Jenn P Says:

    Hi, I found you through entrecard. I love this post! This just made my day. I would love to be a posh mom, I really do. But I have becom the real mom and I am okay with it. πŸ™‚

  12. wendy Says:

    very amusing and thought provoking post!

    Most posh moms i know are kinda self centered and non posh moms self-sacrificing!

    I’m about to become a mom, i think am gonna be a non posh mom. nevertheless, i will continue to take care of myself. I know a lot of moms who become so pre occupied with their kids they forget about their own health.

  13. Immomsdaughter Says:

    I’m a REAL mom all right! Here’s my points:
    a) No pedicure or manicure OR facial for that matter
    b) I watch Sound of Music and cartoons with my kids, and NOT the latest blockbuster
    c) I rejoice in wearing Tees
    d) My hair is always bunned up or in a ponytail

    Now, let’s start an interview – from one REAL mom to another!

  14. RE Ausetkmt Says:

    You Are Fab-u-Losa !!!
    from one real momma to another

  15. Injane Says:

    Hmmmmm…… I think that “Posh Mom” is another way of saying “immigrant from Venus.”
    I don’t understand why anyone would want to be a stick-skinny, long-eyelashed, duct-tape wrapped weakling hunk of balogna that’s good only for setting on your shelf. It seems to me that’s the worst kind of slavery; one you sell yourself into, not even to earn favor, but just to be drooled at for a few moments. New fashions will develop over the years, and the pinkos will be forgotten. Nothing could be more precious to a woman than her liberty and respectability, besides having her name written in the Book of Life. Nothing beats seeing what you have built or grown through your blood, sweat and tears, other than hearing the Savior say, “Well done” or seeing how many people are in heaven because of you (including your children).

    GO REAL MOMS!!!! YOU MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE. πŸ™‚

  16. The Historian (Ms. Mecomber) Says:

    Non-posh is frugal, and posh is PISH-POSH. πŸ˜€

    Oh WTG InJane! The only other creatures I know who drools when it looks at a human being are angry dogs and hungry lions. No thanks.

    Ye shall know the posh moms by their pishy-poshy comments! But then again, their gut is all poshed up, so they probably won’t say much.

    My advice to posh moms, in their own language, is:

    “C’mon, like, get real. Like, totally! Quit being like, whatever, and totally, like, get a LIFE. Start, like, being you know, a REAL mom. Like, totally.”

    πŸ˜€

  17. chronic chick Says:

    Hi there,

    Im off context but I thought I would share. I looked around at your homeschool info. I am a first year homeschooler. I too chose Abeka. I had bad experiences with ACE as a teen so I can see that they haven’t changed. I am using Saxon for her math and Grammar is easy grammar. The irony is the grammar she hated and now she loves it. Crazy. I’m relieved she’s out of public school. The insanity for the last few years I had enough. This yr she’s a freshmen and we have our ups and down, but I know in my heart I’m doing what’s right by her.
    Thanks

  18. Luxor Says:

    I really enjoyed this post – funny but with a message!

  19. Hilary Says:

    And I was about to send you an invite to the “Posh Mama” Social Network! I’m off to find a “Real Mama” group ….

    (Great post! Love to start the day with a giggle.)

  20. Ellen Says:

    I’m not a mom but this is hysterical and I imagine true to the point!!! Good job Rebecca and my hats off to each one of you “real Mom’s”!

  21. carol Says:

    Not posh….sigh

  22. frugal fergie Says:

    LOL. What an unique and interesting post! Cheers to all the “Non-Posh” Mommas out there!

  23. A. Says:

    Had to comment on this because of course that is our very own Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice, pictured there. Anything less like a real mother I can’t imagine. Poor children. But please, The English Patient was a good film. Becks and co. would not have understood it! Believe me.

    Great post!

  24. kathy@brazoscowgirl Says:

    Perfect post Mrs. M! I of course am a non posh and proud of it. I sweat like a pig working the concession stand, trying to get scholarship money for my kids! I do own a black dress matter of fact quite a few, it is my “uniform to impress” I wear it when my kids and my Hubby want me to look more “posh-like”.

    I do watch The English Patient but that is for Eye Candy reasons only:D

  25. Ann Says:

    And everything they own is spotless and matches with coordinated color and style. Their kids are always dressed in designer duds with no spots of any sort, and the kids never pass gas in public and then laugh about it.

    Sign me,
    Not a posh.

  26. Sonya Says:

    I’ll take REAL over FAKE DIVA anyday! Thanks for the belly laugh πŸ˜€

  27. jailbird Says:

    I think I am totally 100% in love with you and definately 100% a non-posh mom!

  28. uppervalleymom Says:

    Found you while dropping entrecard and so glad I scrolled down! Great post.

    Love,
    Your newest Real Mom reader
    πŸ™‚

  29. Tidbits Of Tammy Says:

    Well said, thank you from all us REAL moms out there!

  30. ESCarGO Says:

    I enjoyed this article, but I am slightly offended. With angular shoulder, solid cherry end tables and bed furniture (thank you Daddy), [dirty] hardwood floors, and a tummy that refused to show for 7 months, I might be maybe 10% “posh” mom. But I’m not. I’m real. I’m the mom who lets her kid finger paint in the tub because it’s easy to clean up. I’m the mom who lets her kid stay in her night clothes all day on the weekends, and who does so herself at times. I’m the mom who is ALWAYS bargain hunting, because I have to. REAL is many different things. It CAN be looking nice at dinner. It CAN be penny pinching from paycheck to paycheck. It CAN be anything. What makes a woman a real MOM is this: A) She had or adopted a child. B) She loves and properly cares for aforementioned child. That is IT. If a woman wants to go around in her husband’s plaid farmer top to go out to eat, that is up to her, and that is fine. If she wants to do up her make-up, her hair, put on the pearls and the pumps just for groceries, that is up to her, and that is fine. Real is being who you are, not what everyone else thinks you should be. According to you, to be real to my motherly self, I need to gain weight (because God forbid anyone get a peek at my collar bone when I wear a tank top!!), I need to throw out a few of the nicer pieces of my wardrobe (I assure you, I will not be throwing away much), and I will never ever ever again blow dry my hair, because that makes it look nicer than it does when I just let it air dry.

    I am not a “Posh Mom,” nor do I want to be, because I like who I am. I am a mom. Just a mom. I don’t give myself a label to make myself feel better about any petty insecurities I might because I am not the perfect 10. I am not a size 0. I have brown hair, plain, brown, hair. I am just a normal chica, really, but I will not put down a “Posh Mom,” because she has more money than me, because she is prettier than me, or because she is classier than me. Honestly, that is all I feel this article is. Putting another human being down to make yourselves feel better. This is immature, there are better to be upset about.

  31. haze Says:

    This is a kick-arse entry. I enjoyed this post so much and I abosolutely agreed 101%. Kudos to you!

  32. Steve883 Says:

    Great post! You got it right on real moms. I like your humor.

  33. Rebecca Says:

    Hey Escargo, sorry I offended you in particular. Um, did you read my disclaimer? πŸ˜€

    This was a post in jest, poking at the two extremes of motherhood, especially as these extreme images are foisted upon us by the media and fashionistas.

    Just for the record **sigh** I am not against nice clothes, going out to dinner, wearing jewelry, getting manicures, hair-dos, The English Patient, soccer, Victoria Beckham, or shopping .

    Is everyone happy now?

    LOL.

    I AM against political correctness, Barbie (die die die), phoniness, the Valley-Girl accent, and mimicking celebrities. And satin lining inside flannel shirts. I hate that.

    It’s futile, putting clarification inside a comment box, because I’ve found that so few people read the comments. They just read the post, take it as they see it, and blast their own comment out. I confess that I do that a lot. But that’s why I have my own blog…

  34. Mommie Says:

    I live surrounded by Posh moms, every morning when I drop the kid off at school I’m surrounded by women getting out of hummers that they drove 2 blocks to the school, their hair is perfect, designer clothes, perfect nails, they weigh about 85 lbs. Ugh.

    This was a great post and I’m linking!

    Mommie

  35. feefifoto Says:

    I’m definitely NOT Posh because I smile occasionally. I swear, does that woman ever employ any other facial expression than “scowl”?

  36. Rebecca Says:

    Feefifoto…. maybe she’s not happy, despite her money and poshness. πŸ™

  37. Antisoccermom Says:

    This is precisely what my entire life is devoted to. Showing that the Posh moms, the soccer moms, the hockey moms, all of those mothers who think their children’s **** doesnt stink. Im here to tell them it does, and to put down the nonfat soy latte with cinnamon sprinkles, and their cell phone and participate in their childrens lives.

    I am very glad I ran across this blog.

  38. Rebecca Says:

    Well I just want to reiterate that I am not “anti-Posh,” not exactly. I’m anti-brainwashing. πŸ˜€ I believe the media and fashionistas rule women’s lives way too much. I’m not an anti-mom at all. But redneck moms, thrifty moms, and “imperfect” moms need defending against this tirade of (once again) the “I’m Better Than You Because I’m Richer/Prettier/Blonder/Skinnier/Cultural” attitude. I’m more against that ATTITUDE than I am against any person.

    Consider me an equal opportunity mom. πŸ˜€

  39. julia Says:

    I personally think celebrity/posh moms should die die die just like Barbie.

  40. Michele Dodt Says:

    I loved this!!

  41. hailey Says:

    LOL. i enjoyed this so much. mommas rock!

  42. Michelle Says:

    I am totally guilty of being a Posh Mom! Don’t hate!

  43. Rebecca Says:

    Hi Michelle! No hate here! Really, this was all in good jest but with a little message: To thine own self be true. πŸ˜€ LOL

    Thanks for your comment.

  44. Dawn Says:

    I really needed a pick-me-up. Thank you so much. I am going to make it a point to take pride in my unposhiness!

  45. Jay Says:

    I just wanted to say that, I am a Real Mom, not a Posh Mom, and actually a Young Mom as well.
    It’s not necessarily true that all Real Pregnant Moms look like wide loads- I sure as hell didn’t. Not even up to the seventh month, when I began to show. It’s less about being rich (I most definitely am not and have never been), and more about eating healthy food. Making an effort.
    Sorry, just wanted to throw that one out there.
    Also, about the eco-friendly bags that ‘Posh’ Moms use, and the Walmart bags that Real Moms use… that’s also not necessarily true.
    I LOATHE plastic bags. Quick tip: It takes 1,000 years for a plastic shopping bag to break down- and even then, that’s just the visual trash that’s gone, the toxic components of the bag are still there and generally making everything else toxic. It’s really not that difficult to purchase environmentally friendly, reusable shopping bags, or to use a woven basket to transport zucchini (or whichever vegetable you’re moving).
    (http://www.reusablebags.com has very nice products, if you’re interested)

    Sorry if this seemed like an overreaction, but I felt like this little aside needed to be said.

    I otherwise agree with your article- it’s sick to make us think we need to look like Barbie dolls.

  46. Suzanne Eller Says:

    Wow. I’m an in-between mom. Not posh. Not non-posh. Just me, a mom of three beautiful young adults who loves my family. Hmm. Where do I fit?

  47. Elizabeth Says:

    Wow! Great – and humorous post! Upon reading your “Posh Categories” I’ve determined, that like most moms, I am not a “posh one.”

  48. Hairstyle Says:

    She’s so gorgeous!! It’s very funny that shes standing on the soccer field in stilettos, such a trooper =)

  49. Tara Says:

    I think your post is awesome. Esp. living in Charlotte, NC. But I must point out that you said “perfect SAHM” I am a SAHM but never will ever claim to be perfect. No one is. We can just aspire to be the best (non-posh πŸ˜‰ SAHM that we can be! All that trying to be perfect does is leaving a mom feeling inadequate.

  50. TotallyPosh! Says:

    I read the article (including your disclaimer) and all the comments. All I REALLY hear amongst the “real mom” comments is jealousy. So this isn’t really directed at the author of the blog, but all the women spewing non-sense!

    I’m a young mother of two. Love my children to death! Does that mean that I can’t love looking good aswell!?! I love shopping, love going to the salon, love keeping my house clean (Really, I LOVE to clean!), love dressing sexy for my husband (not just in the bedroom) love rollin’ my truck and love buying cute clothes for my kids! Loving all those things doesn’t mean I love my kids any less and DOES NOT make me any less of a mother than the ones who don’t care as much about these things as I do! Doing all these things also helps me keep my sanity! I LOVE BEING A SEMI-POSH MOM! THANK YOU!

    I also LOVE VB! I think she’s a great mother from the little bit we peons see of her life through PHOTOGRAPHS! You don’t want me judging you because you don’t have a tidy house or wear flannel (ughh!) so why would you turn around and judge her (based upon pictures only) or any other fab looking mother because they DO have a tidy house and look good grocery shopping!?

    I find it interesting that you would use Victoria “Posh” Beckham herself! Because of ALL the celebrities with children, she is more often than not photographed WITH her children and WITHOUT a nanny in tow! And why should she smile ALL the time…she’s not on a photo shoot every minute of everyday of her life! But her kids sure do look happy!! She is an A-List celebrity but that DOES NOT by any means make her any less of a mother than any of you!

    You all need to stop wasting your energy on hatin’ fellow moms! There are much worse things than looking good on the soccer field, in heels!

    ~Like totally posh!

  51. Kristina Brooke Says:

    I am so not a Posh Mom. I don’t look anything like an actress. I like to shop online, but even then have not done that in a long time as I would rather use that money to get us out of debt. I love Home Depot, DIY Network, Nightgowns, Flannel and ordering a pizza when my husband is actually home. My house is clean but not spotless nor shimmering and I am certainly not fake.

    I completely hear what you are saying and do feel that sometimes there is a phoniness that surrounds certain women- women have been told to act a certain way as mothers and so some of us try to do that. You are right, be true to yourself so that you can be happy.

    As for those who commented negatively about this post- lighten up. She was writing a funny post just to prove a point. If you are offended, then maybe she hit to0 close to home.

  52. Jessica Says:

    Not only is your post absolutely hysterical, it made me feel better about not being a “posh mom”! Sometimes I start to compare myself and… well… that never turns out well!

    Thank you for giving me a new perspective, even if it was only meant in jest!

  53. junebug Says:

    I think some women are afraid of becoming the no-makeup, sweats-wearing sahm they see at the schools. So they go out of their way to appear to be not that stereotype. It’s that facade that is just hard to take. Now, if the mom actually has to go to work after dropping a child off that is another story. I try not to go the sweats route myself, but I still don’t put makeup on! πŸ™‚

  54. Rita Carothers Says:

    I think this is insulting to “non-posh moms” that really care about how they look. I don’t need to go to a salon to make my nails look nice, or throw out my hair dryer just cause I stay at home. I still go to the back of the closet to get out my nice clothes, cause my husband appresiates it when I look nice when he comes home. I like to look good because it make me feel good, and I am more productive. I feel like doing more around the house when I look good. I feel like cooking a nice meal when I look good. And if I go to the store in my “office” clothes, and it bothers you, that is your problem, not mine. Here is my take on this, and all of you that think you need to put a label on Moms like me: Maybe you need to find what will make you feel better. Whether that is putting some nail polish on or putting on a nice outfit that you haven’t worn for a while cause you stay at home now. Maybe it will be taking a bath and slathering lotion all over yourself while the baby is sleeping. Just because you stay at home now doesn’t mean that you have to feel guilty about doing some things just for you. I think you should concentrate on making yourself feel better, and not putting other people down for the lifestyle they choose.

  55. JB Says:

    Real Mom here- stay at home, have own biz, don’t care if I look “perfect”. Love who I am and love being with my kid- more important than being posh or not.
    Posh moms don’t bother me- it is okay to get a manicure :-).

  56. Lady Banana Says:

    Brilliant post, I love it.. and I’m a real Mum always was always will be even though my youngest is now 20!

  57. Lisa Says:

    I have to laugh. I was stumbling and came across this site Mrs. M!

    LOL!

    Great post from a non-Posher. πŸ™‚

  58. Jenera Says:

    I am definitely a ‘real’ mom. I used to go to playgroups or playgrounds and marvel at how most of the other moms were perfectly dressed with done up hair and not one speck of food remnants on their clothes. I can’t make it two seconds without my son wiping his face on my shirt, pulling my hair, or expecting me to chase him. I used to care but now I don’t. I think as long as you have fun with your kids, that’s all that matters.

  59. Vivien Says:

    I stumbled upon your blog and find it absolutely hilarious and entertaining. Your blog is going into my favourites. πŸ™‚

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