Attack of the Killer Leg Wax

August 15, 2008

Freaky

Who was the jerk who first came up with the idea that women had to shave/wax their legs? I could STRANGLE him.

I’ve never waxed my legs before. I’ve been a razor-shaver for the past 26 years now. On and off. Today, for some oddball reason, I decided to try out leg wax— Sally Hansen’s “Extra Strength All-Over Body Wax Hair Removal Kit,” even. It cost me $10 at WalMart. I had bought it a few weeks ago. It took me until today to summon the courage to give the stuff a try. So I poured over the instructions, put a movie on for the kids, and let ‘er rip. Yeah.

The following review will be an admonition for you women out there. And probably make enjoyable reading for you men out there. :-p

I had to microwave the wax to get it warm. The wax smells wonderful, like vanilla. The wax has the consistency of chewed bubble gum when not heated; it’s like creamy soup when heated. So I trotted up the stairs to my bathroom with the warmed wax. Application was messy, but I tried to contain any little drips by catching them on a bathroom towel while I sat on a chair. I put on the wax, smoothed on the white paper strip, and riiiipped.

OH MY GOSH HOW DO YOU WOMEN DO THIS?!

I saw stars. OK, OK, breathe, Lamaze…. the pain subsided in a few seconds and I let ‘er rip again. This just isn’t something your body gets used to, is it? Yet I was determined to keep this up because I had paid $10 for it, and I did see some hairs coming out. But it was getting harder and harder and my steely resolve was getting weaker and weaker… and then I noticed trickles of blood running down my leg. Holy cow the thing had drawn blood! Dime-sized black and blue welts were forming on my skin. I hesitated, wondering if I really wanted to go on.

I suddenly noticed that after two minutes, the wax goop was starting to cool off and harden again. And when this stuff hardens, it is horribly, horribly sticky. My microwave was downstairs. There was NO WAY I was going to go downstairs like this. God forbid, if I brushed against the hallway walls, I’d rip off chunks of wallpaper on my way down. And there were steak knives on the kitchen countertop near the microwave.

I shifted my position in the chair to speed things up a little, just to finish my knee area and be done with it. I didn’t know that my foot had some wax on it. My foot stuck to the towel which was also balancing the little wax container. The container spilled out all over the floor and my bath mat. NO!!! I tried to hurry up and scoop the spilled wax into the container, but all I had was that wooden tongue-depressor tool from the kit. And THAT was now stuck to my hand. I got wax EVERYWHERE: the floor, the chair, the bath mat, the towel, the sink, and IN MY HAIR! I scooped everything up and tried to fling it in the trash bucket, but most of it stuck to my hands. *crying*

I peeled off the strips, the box, and the wax container from my hands by making them stick to the inside of the trash bucket. There was a massive sticky mess on the floor and I made it worse when I walked, because gobs of wax were now stuck to the bottoms of my feet. The kit has a little bottle of “Azulene Finishing Oil” to get the wax off. When I say little, I mean LITTLE. It’s about the size of a nail polish bottle. And this was NOT going to cut it for me. I had great big gobs of congealing wax on my legs, drip lines all over my feet and hands, not to mention all over my bathroom. I rubbed on what I could and made my way to the shower. Maybe that would get the gobs off.

Nope.

In the shower, I decided to use a razor to finish off what I could not get with the wax. As I did, I realized that I had suffered all that pain for nothing– sure, the large leg hairs had stripped off, but I could still feel an undercoat of hairs left from where I had waxed. By now the razor was clogged with wax and I tossed it out. I got out of the shower to realize– to my horror– that neither the finishing oil, nor the shower, nor the shaving had removed the gobs of wax still firmly sticking to my legs. I touched a gob with my finger and instantly, like King Midas, my finger was affected and made everything I touched sticky. I tried to scrub it off with toothpaste, with hydrogen peroxide, all to no avail. Finally, I sacrificed one of my washcloths and just rubbed where I could, to make the cloth fibers stick to the gobs of wax, to cover the top layer of wax so I could get out of this bathroom. I was able to get dressed, although when I walk, my legs stick to the inside of my pants. As I type, some of my fingers stickily pull on the keys of the keyboard. I think I am stuck this way until my skin sloughs it off. šŸ™

My bath mat is ruined. So are my towels. I don’t dare throw them in the laundry with the other clothing- I’d probably never get the stuff unstuck out of the washing machine.

So it’s back to Gillette and Barbasol. When I am non-stick again, someday.

24 Responses to “Attack of the Killer Leg Wax”

  1. The Historian (Ms. Mecomber) Says:

    Aw, I’m sorry you had such a hard time, Mom. šŸ™

    I wonder if THAT’S why all those “beauty” advertisements that are all over the place, are so “sticky.”

  2. Linda Says:

    ROFL … You just reassured me to stay with my barbasol and razor. No need for me to try it! LOL hope all is well now.

  3. Karen Says:

    Oh my gosh! Sorry to be laughing when you were in such pain but the scenario cracked me up!

  4. PurrPrints Says:

    ouch! Sorry you had to suffer through this, but thanks for sharing so some of us could skip even considering the idea of a mess like that…

  5. Everything Under the Sun Says:

    Ha ha ha .. this is funny. Well, I have never tried to shave my legs or under arm, I don’t need to šŸ™‚ My husband says I have a smooth legs šŸ™‚ he he he he

    Take care

  6. heidi Says:

    I am sorry it was such a bad experience for you but on the positive side of things-you really made me laugh and smile at the hysterical story.

  7. Carole Says:

    As soon as I saw your title, I knew where it was going. I tried waxing once too. Once. I ordered my kit from Avon and while I didn’t end up destroying my bathroom and everything within 10 feet like you did, I did in short order manage to get that sticky wax all over myself and the floor. I unfortunately decided to try my first “adventure in waxing” on my underarms. Now I have a very high threshold of pain. But when I read your “I saw stars”, I know which ones you saw because I saw those too. I also have no idea how anyone else does waxing. I almost fainted from the pain. I didn’t bleed as much as you, but I had an “armpit of bruises” the next day. It was unbelievable. Lucky for me Avon has 100% satisfaction guarantee, so I returned it (to myself, ’cause I’m an Avon Lady). I was definitely not 100% satisfied. I was in fact, 100% DISSATISFIED.
    I hope you become un-waxy soon, I don’t even know what to suggest to unstick yourself…?!? šŸ™

  8. Beth Says:

    Oh no! Thank you for sharing your sadly hilarious story with the rest of us, I hope you heal and un-sticky soon. You could try baby oil or vegetable oil (seriously), that might work.

    Still laughing over the mental image of you tearing strips of wallpaper off the wall with your sticky body…

  9. Callie Ann Says:

    My God, I have been contemplating this and your experience has just cured me. I would like to thank you very much for all the pain and suffering you went thru to save the rest of us.. Good Gosh I feel ill.

  10. Stephanie Says:

    Your situation is surprisingly similar to mine. I bought the exact same stuff and ended up gooey from from my fingertips to my toes. Fortuately I avoided my hair. I tried the scraping and the shaving and even used a loofa (sp?) and Lava soap to try to scrape my way free of that nasty stuff. Then when all else failed I got out the bottle of Goo-gone. It worked but I had to use almost the whole bottle. I am definately not waxing myself again! I’m even hesitant to try a professional. Thanks for your story … it made me feel better that I wasn’t the only one having issues with it.

  11. Penny Raine Says:

    baby oil and lots of it to get rid of the wax, and if you ever dare again, you can buy strips that have the wax alread, on them, kind of like fly paper but bigger, you press and and remove, but the aweful truth of waxing is that you have to let your hair grow to a considerable length before it will work. I used to own hair salons in California where vanity rules the world :), now I am a country preachers wife and momma to 8, and i love it, go figure huh?

    blessings, Penny Raine
    http;//www.pennyraine.com/blog

  12. Luxor's Mom Says:

    I’m laughing, because I’ve been using the same razor for, like, forever … I think they cost too much! So I’ve thought about trying waxing, but now I can definitely say I’m not going to!

  13. Lynne Says:

    OMG! I just want to thank you for sparing the rest of us from this miserable experience.
    WD-40 is excellent for removing goo by the way (although, it doesn’t smell so good).

  14. feefifoto Says:

    I’m sorry to laugh at your discomfort but … BWAAHAHAHAH!!!!

    I’m stickin’ with the razor. Hope you’re unstickified soon.

  15. Rebecca Says:

    Ladies– thank you for your words of sympathy and advice. šŸ™‚ Penny, if I ever get the courage (or work up the stupidity) to try waxing again, I’ll try the strips… but probably not for a looooong time. Not until I forget how stupid I was this time around, lol.

    Lynne– WD-40!!!!!!!!!!! I forgot all about that! I’ll use that to get it off my floor (which is STILL sticky, by the way) and maybe I’ll rub a little on the gobs on my leg? Who knows, maybe rubbing WD-40 on like cologne will work like an aphrodisiac…

  16. Elemental Says:

    Are you kidding? WD-40 is a great smell! Then again, I’m a guy. As for the leg-waxing, all I can is: just as long as the legs (all the way, not just to the knee) are smooth, we honestly don’t care how you do it.

    And, hey, don’t shop at WalMart. It’s bad for the soul.

  17. BK Says:

    Not an enjoyable read at all! How could I possibly laugh at other’s plight. Reading it was almost ‘painful.’ Sorry that everything was a mess.

  18. Rebecca Says:

    Oh, BK, it’s OK. I am *almost* recovered, and I did purposely write the story in a funny way, to make everyone laugh at my expense. And I never seem to run out of stories! :S

    Thank you for your sweet sympathy. šŸ™‚

    All’s well that ends well. lol!

  19. Ivory Soap Says:

    I used NADS–once. It worked, but OUCH. And that was a pre-three-babies body. I can’t IMAGINE how that would feel now that I have a bit of SAG to tug on!

  20. Lisa Says:

    Any kind of oil gets rid of the stickiness, although it may not completely remove the wax.

    I begged my mom to buy me some because I was so sick of razors. She didn’t want to but I insisted.
    As usual, Mom knows best. Along with the gruesome pain, it was impossible to get the leftover wax off. I used the oil and it worked.

  21. Lilly Says:

    Oh my gosh.. I wished I looked this up before I bought the kit. I am a shaver.. however, the lure of 8 weeks free of hair was great enough for me to try it… I ended up trying and its a big mess.. what was worst after the first rip there was still hair. I thought I could handle more but after the third and fourth rip that was it and all of the sudden black and blues showed up. I never heard of this happening!! Thus me coming online to see if anyone else had this issue… worst ten bucks i spent and i am still in pain.. with hair… what is a girl to do!

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