Last night, I rolled over in bed and was suddenly struck on the leg in pain. A bite! It felt like a hornet’s sting, yow! The thing swelled up to about the size of a quarter and hurt like the dickens. The hubs and I looked everywhere for the malicious critter that had inflicted the bite, but we found nothing. I had a mighty restless night knowing there was an evil, faceless bug lurking beneath my sheets. :cwy: I tried to remain calm, but visions of brown recluse spiders and necrosis kept flashing through my brain.
Frantic with entomophobia this morning, I ripped off the sheets with a flurry in an early morning search of the intruder. I found him. An earwig. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was hiding in the folds of my husband’s pillow, camouflaged well with the dark green pillowcase. At first, I panicked a little…. the monster was *THIS* close to the place on the pillow where my husband rested his head — close to my husband’s jugular vein! *breathe breathe breathe* … then I came to my senses in a blinding rush of sanity. Quickly, I grabbed a tissue to squish him…… and… HE. WAS. GONE. Holy cow! How do these things move so fast?!
I ripped everything apart– pillows, pillow cases, coverlet, everything– and — Oh, HEY! I found a hairband, a few of Livvy’s toys, a couple nickels, and a few missing twins to my husband’s favorite socks in there! I’ve been wondering where they went to, gee….!
Oh, but THEN I saw him. Muahahahaha!
Oh that wonderfully satisfying sound of an insect’s exoskeleton bursting it contents (my son is doing biology right now, and it’s sadistically satisfying to use all those technical terms to contribute to the demise of one of the most hated creatures on earth). Death, at last. I cackled with sheer victorious ecstasy — a little too loudly because one of the kids in the other room groaned and rolled over in bed.
What is it with earwigs in Central Upstate New York, anyway? I used to live near Lake Oneida, and never saw any earwigs. When I moved here, I saw them EVERYWHERE. On the clotheslines, in the patio furniture, under boards, beneath trash cans… and in beds. *shudder* Has there been some explosion in the earwig population since the 1970s? And why aren’t they considered a “federal noxious bug” by the United States Government?! I consider this much more lethal than that paltry hogweed problem. My leg is still smarting from the nasty sting, it feels like it’s on fire.
I hate earwigs. They are ugly, they move fast, and they like dark, moist places (whereas I prefer light, dry places). They inflict a very nasty sting and while Livvy and the dogs will chase after ants and houseflies and moths, they won’t go anywhere near an earwig.
Well, chalk up the entire experience as ANOTHER reason why I hate summer and love winter. In winter, there are NO BUGS. And the bugs we have here don’t grow into the size of dinner plates, like southern bugs. I love sub-zero temperatures, just LOVE them. As the thermometer drops lower and lower and all my neighbors are complaining about their blackening limbs and noses, I am relishing the fact that the bug eggs are all dying. Yes, those fruitless summertime endeavors by adult bugs — all gone in a glorious season of frigidity and snow! Yay, winter! Bring it on!