FREAKY

October 24, 2009

Freaky

To even remember this makes my heart quake inside and my blood run cold. But FINALLY after reading all of your horrific posts about your own spider experiences, I have one of my own to share.

I had just gotten into bed. I was getting all cozy and snuggly (the temps are in the 30s at night now) and laying on my side, mushing my pillows to be *just right*. I was preparing to read my book, when I thought I saw something from the corner of my eye. It…. fluttered, I guess you could say. For a nano-second, I thought it was a bat, flying low around the bed. My peripheral vision is poor, so I wasn’t sure if what I saw was big or small, close or not far away enough from me… all I had seen was something that looked like my hair fluttered, something dark-colored. I stiffened and looked around the room for a moment; hm, nothing. And then I did something REALLY stupid.

I IGNORED IT.

:bangwall: stupidstupidstupidstupid!!

Because after about 2 minutes, there the thing was, trying to crawl up my neck into my long hair. šŸ˜Æ My heart stopped. It was a WOLF SPIDER! Those horrible, nasty critters that are everywhere around here! I tell the kids not to squish them when they are outside, because they are good for the garden and its their natural habitat… but any critter that crawls into my home– YEA, that DARES to crawl into my cozy BED– is DEAD MEAT.

In terror, I looked around for something to squish it with. I couldn’t move, because I was afraid it would suddenly leap off my shirt toward my jugular, causing me a slow painful death which would leave my poor beloved children bereft of a mother and my husband a lonely helpless man doomed to eating scrambled eggs for the rest of his life…

So I did the best I could with what I had. I curled my fingers around the edge of my night shirt, and squished it as flat as I could. I heard the soft “pop” of the spider’s guts bursting through its skin.

VICTORY. :grinny:

I unsteadily quivered off the bed, looking for the shrunken dead body of the spider. It was there, in my shirt. I feel quite nauseous remembering it all… it’s been a few days since this happened (I haven’t had the stomach to write about it until then, and even now I am having my doubts)… it’s taking me a while to recover. I heartily flapped and flapped the blankets and didn’t find any vengeful spider friends of the deceased. Still, it was with great hesitation that I got back into my bed. I managed to survive the night, and haven’t seen any creepies since; but I am still very shaky. Here’s hoping that word got out in the spider camp that a vicious, horrible blanket-monster mangles spiders with her powerful nightshirt.

I can’t WAIT until winter freezes their creepy little butts off. Now you know why I’ll NEVER live down south!
:run:

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17 Responses to “FREAKY”

  1. akaGaGa Says:

    AARRGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That would have been my first (very) loud response.

    I don’t mind mice and snakes (in their place) but I hate spiders. And there’s no place worse than in the bed.

    I am very proud of you. You truly are a DRAGON-SLAYER!!! You took care of the situation in the only way possible.

    PS Did you throw the nightshirt away?

  2. Renee Says:

    Maybe the freezing cold winters here aren’t so bad after all! I remember once finding a spider crawling on my bed. I got up, tore my room apart, and vacuumed every spider I could find! And there were quite a few, especially hiding behind my bed!

    Another time, I had a terrible problem with centipedes getting into my room (which is in the cellar). There were hundreds. I still don’t know how they got in, but it was like a horror movie. After getting that vacuum out again and destroying every last one, I’d put the vacuum away and find more crawling out of who-knows-where! It was terrible!

  3. Rebecca Says:

    I wondered if anyone would ask what I did with my nightshirt. I ironed on a great big splatted spider and framed it. It hangs above my bed, as a warning to all arachnids everywhere that I MEAN BUSINESS.

    Haha, kidding! No I washed it! It’s a perfectly good nightshirt! No spider is going to make me ditch my best nightshirt.

    Renee– YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Your poor vacuum seems to get a lot of use.

  4. akaGaGa Says:

    Awww, I really liked the framed-nightshirt idea. Maybe next time.

    @Renee Don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but spiders can crawl out of vacuum cleaners.

  5. Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" Says:

    Good for you, the victor! That would be terrible, it makes me cringe just to see them crawling on the floor in my house! Sure wouldn’t want to see one actually crawling on me!! You rock, spider monster!

  6. debra Says:

    We have wolf spiders, too. But when it gets cold outside, they come in where it is warm, just like the mice. ARGGHHHH

  7. Rebecca Says:

    Karen, thanks! You are so encouraging.

    Gee, I should start up my own club or something, or maybe start some kind of t-shirt business. I can see the shirts now:

    I’d have a picture of Chuck Norris fighting a tarantula, and it would say:

    My Roundhouse Kick kills bugs dead.

    YESSSSSSSSSS!

  8. Rebecca Says:

    Hi Debra! Yes, I suspect that is why Mr. Spider paid me a visit– it was cold and my bed was cuddly and warm. But he was not welcome! Bugs: DIE DIE DIE!

  9. blueyes Says:

    I’d have soooo trashed that night shirt. I remember waking in the middle of the night for an itch only it wasn’t an itch, it was a freaking water bug crawling up my thigh and I so totally freaked out. Scared the dogs, fell on one of the dogs too trying to get out of the bed so fast onto the floor. I keep a can of Raid upstairs just for this occasion because they seem to like my shower and I don’t care to bath with them in the morning before work much less want them crawling on me in the middle of the night. I sprayed him and put something on top of him so he couldn’t crawl anywhere for the rest of the night and I went back to bed FULLY clothed.

  10. Buggys Says:

    Oh yuck! Did you burn the nightshirt? Nasty bugs. The ultimate horror is when they have the audacity to get into your bed! I know, I had one of those brown cricket spider things in my bed one day, nearly killed myself and trashed my bedroom getting him! I’m glad you made it through.

  11. Kim Says:

    Yay for you. I’m not a real fan of spiders either.

  12. Vixen Says:

    Your bravery in the face of this terrorizing experience is quite impressive. I am not sure I could ever bring myself to recall such an experience. I think I would have to have it professionally wiped from my brain. I got shivers just reading your story. Argh.

  13. Jodi Says:

    LOL…..That is why I check my bed and under pillows every night before I get in. My husband thinks I need help…..lol. But I found one in our bed months ago and it is still fresh in my mind. So, I take no chances : )

  14. Jan from BetterSpines Says:

    They should know better – their place is OUTSIDE!. I won’t kill them outside, and they don’t come inside. That’s the rules. Death squads await. I found a huntsman wrapped in the bedspread last week, so I took the whole thing outside and shook it like mad. You are soooo brave. Give yourself a medal.

  15. Renee Says:

    Akagaga: Yes, I know bugs can crawl out of vacuum cleaners, but I would rather let them die a slow painful death of whirring around in the vacuum cleaner than squish them with my hands! I know, I’m such a chicken! That’s why I have brothers… and a vacuum cleaner! šŸ™‚

  16. Loretta Says:

    Great story, but I have a tip regarding spiders. We have an old victorian and there are so many different spiders that pop up in old house. My children wear summer and winter shoes. They always ask me to check their shoes for spiders and for years I just stuck my hand in and wiped what ever was in them out. This last year something gross and scary happened. I stuck my hand straight in all the way to the end to make sure there were no spiders at the tip of the shoe. The something popped and suddenly the tip of my finger felt wet. When I pulled out my hand, there was a popped body black widow hanging off the tip of my finger dead. I screamed and shook it off, and picked it up and washed my hands so many times worry if its juices would poison me. The tip: Never stick your hand in a dark old shoes without wearing plastic gloves or an old sock. It was a hard lesson to learn, but please be careful out there.

  17. Rebecca Says:

    Loretta– I will definitely take your words to heart, sinking and weeping as it is after your story. Because I ALWAYS stick my hand in the shoes!! AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I always have misgivings at the time, but I do it anyway because I am usually in a hurry and impatient.

    NEVER AGAIN!!!! Your story is eternally burned into my brain now…