I have learned a lot as a member of Entrecards, visiting all sorts of blogs. I’ve learned that there are some incredibly talented and witty people who run great blogs, and I’m a lot smarter and blessed by them. I’ve also learned that there are a lot of really lousy, crappy blogs that are basically springboards for all sorts of perverse behavior. I try to stay focused on the really good blogs and not let the bad behavior of other sites bother me. But I admit, sometimes I get in a sour mood after seeing the nasty ones.
I’ve also noticed that a lot of blogs are devoted to relationships, especially marital (or marital-type) relationships. One blog I came across today caught me by surprise with its candor and insight. It’s called the Marriage Puzzle blog. The post is titled, “A Woman and Her Existence” and it is a very poignant and perceptive post, despite its brevity. It got me thinking, especially this part:
A woman’s capacity to love can draw the very best from a man… it can make him feel wanted, needed, important, and great. The way she patiently wait for him to arrive from a whole day work symbolizes her love. When his nerves and spirit are shattered and exhausted, her loves can comfort him. When discouragement crushes his will and his hopes and dreams have crumbled, she can help him build new ones.
Many men are nearly totally unaware of a woman’s need for romantic love. For men, romance might be an added benefit, but certainly not a requirement. But not with a woman! A relationship without romance would drive her wild with frustration. She needs to be cherished, loved, respected, appreciated and be treated special. It is unjustifiable for a man to ignore his wife’s need for romantic love as it is for her to deny him his sexual urges.
It made me think about marriage today, how it is depicted in Western culture. Marriage gets a really, really bad rap, you know that? I don’t know why. I think marriage is one of the greatest institutions known to man. I’ve been unmarried and I’m married, so I’ve been on both sides; I think I have some insight about this.
Think about how marriage (that lifetime commitment of body and mind between man and woman) is treated today. You who drop Entrecards, you see what I see– ads everywhere showing slinky women vying for the momentary attentions and lusts of men; and men blogging about (and showing photos of) the women that entice them. It’s very obvious that the man’s desire for physical satisfaction is what comes FIRST in our culture. It’s like I say to my husband, “Western culture is a teenage boy’s dream come true.”
But where are the woman’s needs emphasized? “Romantic love” is what we call it today, but when I think of that term, Harlequin novels come to mind. I don’t think “romance” is accurate. Women need to be loved- to be wooed, to be reassured, to be special and to be that “only woman” to a man. Men complain that women complain about their man’s wandering eyes. “It’s only natural” to lust after other women, men complain. Yet they completely ignore that the woman’s desire to be the only woman is “only natural” too. Why do men want to be “natural” when it comes to them, but dismiss the woman’s “natural” desires?
What I’m saying is that responsibility and committment are missing in our relationships in this culture. In our culture the message is this: the physical relationship is premier, and if women won’t fall in line with that, then they are cast off as undesirable. Even among marriages, this attitude persists. In our culture, the woman has to bend over backwards to please her man sexually; but for some inexplicable reason, the man is completely excused from giving his wife that “agape” love (agape is a Greek word for unconditional affection and self-sacrificing commitment) that is essential to her existence as a woman.
People are not animals who copulate at will. People have thoughts, reasonings, feelings, and are accountable to God for their actions. Marriage is holy, God said. Degrading the man/woman relationship to a level with beavers and dogs is disgusting. Why do we women tolerate it and even encourage such behavior in our culture? Why is there such an inequality, even though modern woman touts her “liberation” and “independence” in our culture today?
I’d like to hear your thoughts about this. Do you see this discrepancy, this inequality? Why do you think this is so, and why do women (and good men) tolerate it?