While I am far from being a “car” girl, I appreciate a good set of tires and a loud horn as much as anybody. I’ve had a minivan for over a decade now, and… to be blunt.. I think I want a “real” car again, lol.

Look at this beautiful machine! The new Mercedes-Benz GLK-Class. Click the link for a sneak peek at this beaut. This is a teensy-weensy bit beyond my price range. But I can admire, can’t it? This is a small 5-passenger SUV, starting price at (gulp) $43,000. That is three-fourths of what I paid for my HOUSE. But… wow…. I could live in one of these things, ya know?

The GLK will be available in January. So… how much do I have in my savings again? ;)

WHY do they make big cars with wimpy car horns, and little cars with beefy car horns? I think it’s unfair discrimination, and I propose staging a protest.

You see, I used to have a Chevy Nova. Nothing compares with my beloved old Chevy Nova. It was a beautiful car.

[insert patriotic music and flag waving here]

UGH NO NO NO not THAT kind of Chevy Nova. My Nova was a new and improved Chevy Nova, when it was new and improved back then. 1988. A great year for Chevy Novas.

That’s more like it. Nice, eh? :D

I loved that car. *sob*

But it was a “compact” car, not suited for four infants with four bloated car seats. Believe me, I tried squeezing all that plastic in the back. But I had to exchange my beloved Nova for a minivan. I couldn’t take the stress anymore– every time a policeman drove by, it was “DUCK, KIDS!” And then, Hillary Clinton became our senator and one of her first actions was to rabidly enforce the seatbelt laws. I was afraid, very afraid. So YES it’s Hillary’s fault that I had to get rid of my compact car.

I miss that car. The gas mileage was soooo good. And the Chevy Nova was built to last: it had a durable and efficient Toyota engine, and a hard-as-nails Chevrolet body. And, best of all, it had a honking-loud honker. It was perfect! I had to refrain myself from using it too much. Here comes the nasty teenage driver to cut me off? WHOOOOOOOONK! yes!!!! The villanous driver, stunned by the spectacular audial display of my air-siren horn, meekly wobbles off and away. Glorious.

Fast-forward ten years. I’ve got a Dodge Grand Caravan, stuffed to the gills with little kids, car seats, glass jars, three dozen eggs, a mirror, and a couple of hammers hanging around. Yeah. (A little creative license there, but you know what I mean). We are all happily singing sing-along songs and munching Cheerios while strapped into the car seats, singing Hillary’s praises for enforcing the seatbelt laws (make that a LOT of creative license here).

Here comes a middle-aged driver in his monster SUV (probably the teenager’s father, for all I know, come to seek revenge now that I no longer have the defensive advantage). He comes barreling down the highway at amazing speed; once a pinpoint in my rearview mirror, in two seconds, he is breathing down my license plate and reading my kids’ t-shirt tags. I, careful driving mother that I am (I even had a few “Baby on Board” suction signs back then), refuse to go one point over the speed limit. He narrowly misses brushing my back bumper and yanks his monster into the passing lane. He sneers as he glances over. I smile smugly, thinking I’ll blast yet another unsuspecting victim with my air-siren horn! Take THIS, you SUV monster! wheeeeeeeeeeeet.

What the?! I spend twice the amount of money for a Dodge Grand Caravan, and all it can squeeze out is a wheeeeeeeeeeeet ?! I hung my head in shame as the SUV arrogantly whizzed by. And as icing on the cake, the man blows his SUV horn at me: WHOOOOOOOONK!

*cries*

I no longer have a voice. My vehicle is like, Minnie Mouse or Tiny Tim or something! Aughhh!

So will someone please tell me why minivans have such lame, insipid horns?! Cuz, if I ever needed one, I need it now!

Photos courtesy of Chevy High Performance, How Stuff Works, Auto Barn.