Disclaimer (*sigh*): Just so you know, my comments here are my OPINIONS and are not reviews of any of these apps. This post is in good fun with a sprinkling of common sense mixed in. If you have no sense of humor and are offended easily, you probably want to stop right now and go visit Elmo’s website or Dora the Explorer or something. thank you.

10. Stalqer
I don’t know if this app is available anymore. I looked in the App Store and couldn’t find it. Maybe Apple removed it for, um, obvious reasons… read on…

Stalqer is an app that shows you the current location of your Facebook friends. The ADDRESS location. Like, if your buddy Henry is two blocks away, the app will display Henry’s face and report that Henry is currently at 123 Main Street right now. And the worst part? Others can track you in real time, without your specific Stalqer approval. You don’t have to approve or “opt in” to Stalqer to get on someone’s stalking list– all you need to be is friends with someone on Facebook. Stalqer tracks your location every time you check your email on your phone.

… Yeah, it’s gone. I checked the Stalqer website and the domain is up for sale.

I just have a little question about this…. Stalqer worked because it pulled location data from Facebook locations, so…. even though Stalqer is gone, why does Facebook still track us?

9. MirrorMe
As if we don’t have enough to worry about with global nuclear annihilation, global bankers taking over the world economies, and those holiday pounds we need to shed, there’s MirrorMe. This app shows you what your corpse will look like! How’s that for classy, huh? You can enter in data every day, like how many greasy bacon cheeseburgers you eat, how little sleep you get, how often you get stoned or drunk, and how much you worry about your hangnails… MirrorMe will tabulate all the data and produce an image of what you’ll look like as you age and your death image when you keel over. Some people market this as one of those “this is a good app to make you more aware of your choices.” If people need to see what their DEATH will look like before they make good choices, Lord help them. P.S. People actually paid MONEY for this app. :blink:

8. iFart
I know I really don’t need to elaborate with any explanation on this app. The name says it all: “I’m a moron.” You can choose what “type” of…. *ahem* noise you want to make (Brown Mosquito, Bombadier, and Bye Granny, and The Muffler are just a few of the classiest selections). This app is actually 99 cents in the App Store. It has 21963 Ratings. :-? Unbelievable.

7. Virtual Girlfriend
Not considerate, sensitive or friendly enough to get a real girlfriend? Why bother when there’s the Virtual Girlfriend app! I imagine that the smart guys who have to buy this app had previously purchased creepy app #8….. This app creates a hot babe, a “virtual girlfriend.” Actually, there are a whole bunch of these types of apps at the App Store. What the heck?! Anyway, this app allows you to pick and choose your girl’s best features (next best thing to plastic surgery, I guess). The image will appear on your iPhone screen. You can then place your iPhone on your pillow at night and gaze into her lifeless eyes as she “gently breathes.” JUST.TOO.WEIRD.

6. Love is Not Abuse
This app, supposedly to *help* teenagers realize the dangers of bad relationships, actually does a great job creeping you out. It’s marketed for parents and “simulates the abuse that many teens endure in their dating relationships.” All day and all night on a constant basis, you can throw a “Freaky Friday” moment on yourself and get texts, emails and phone calls from a virtual abusive boyfriend or girlfriend. Yay.

In all seriousness, I realize this app has good intentions: to make parents aware of the stressful lives that dating teens face. But I have an even better idea: don’t let your kids date! Who was the jerk who invented teen dating, anyway?! I once heard a very wise lady say that “nothing good ever comes from teen dating.” I agree. I was a teen, once, so I remember. I don’t think kids need to “practice love” before they get married. For thousands of years, parents have kept a strict watch on their kids’ friends and relationships and it’s really only been the past 40 years that teens have been allowed enormous freedoms. I haven’t seen any benefit, and as a matter of fact it appears that relationship interactions have tanked lower and lower ever since…..

5. Annoy-a-Teen
This app actually doesn’t look too bad…. I MEAN– er, terrible, terrible! This app emits very high frequency pitches at varying pulses or tempos that only teens can allegedly hear. I did hear some of the sounds. Check out the video I found and see if you can hear any of the sounds.

I could see a good use for this app, yes.

4. Creepy Dolls
If creepy app #7 doesn’t appeal to you, maybe try this one. This app allows you to create images of various girls’ dolls– you know, the “Mama” kind of Chuckie doll — and add grotesque and disgusting features like fake teeth, creepy skin coloring, and more. oooooooooooooooooooooook.

3. iVomit
Here’s another winner from the App Store, yes indeedy. You can select various “flavors” and “textures” and away you go. I wonder if there’s a bulk discount if you get this app and end up having to get creepy app #7, as they would seem to go hand in hand….

2. Creepy
Well, at least they’re honest. The app is aptly named. Creepy uses your photo data from Twitter and Flickr to pinpoint your location. Called a “geolocation information aggregator,” Creepy creates a full-fledged map history of where you’ve been. Didn’t you know that your camera harvests your location data when you snap that photo? Yes, indeed! Flickr and Twitter harvest it; Creepy just shows it. Regular digital cameras AND smartphone cameras collect the geolocation of every photo you take. Gee, it’s amazing what these nifty little devices can do, isn’t it?

1. Carrier IQ
Carrier IQ is not an app. Oh, it’s in the smartphones. Like the Hotel California, you can check in any time you want, but you can never leave. Carrier IQ is a rootkit, a secret software program that stealthily records your activity on the smartphone and uploads that data. I blogged about it on my tech blog, TheOlderGeek.com. The iPhone allows you to turn it off (so they say), but Android users are screwed. Even when you “opt out” of data logging, it never logs you out. Nobody knows who is mining all this data and what its purpose is. Now THAT’S CREEPY.

Well, folks, don’t thank me! It’s my pleasure to help you decide what apps to avoid!

Oh how quickly I went from being a “I don’t need no stinkin’ cell phone” person to the “I couldn’t live without my smartphone!” person. Smartphones are just SO cool, and it’s so easy to put everything on it– your email, your photos, your travel plans, contact names and addresses, etc etc. It’s all very convenient, especially for harried working moms and dads.

Just one question: what happens if you lose your phone?

:-O Not a good thing. Everything you ARE is on that phone, and phones are so tiny, so easily misplaced or stolen. *gulp*

Well, Sprint customers have some help with that. It’s called the Sprint Total Equipment Protection App and it’s available for smartphones like the Blackberry and Android phones. Basically, the Sprint Total Equipment Protection App will locate your phone, sync your contacts to make sure no data is lost, wipe the lost phone REMOTELY, lock the phone, AND sound an alarm to spook the thief to pieces!

The app is available for download for any Sprint customer until August 30, 2011. The service costs $8 per month, but if you do a lot of traveling I think it’s worth it. There’s also a deductible if you make a claim. Here’s a video detailing the service:

The service also covers you if your phone is damaged, malfunctions, or is lost or stolen. Sweet! Consider this as insurance on your phone.

Check it out at the links above.

Honestly, I never thought I’d get to the place where I had TOO many gadgets. But I think I do. I dislike the online auction sites because of all their outrageously high fees, so all the stuff just sits on my shelves and in the file cabinet and all over the house…. taking up space. I’ve had intentions of selling them (lots of stuff is still in exceptionally good condition), but I loathed the thought of listing them at the auction site and paying those high fees. No thanks. And those “buy back” programs from the retail stores are a RIP OFF. Don’t ever fall for those! The retail store will give you only a teeny-tiny percentage of the value of the gadget, believe me. You’ll be lucky if you break even.

Ah, but now there’s uSell! Cash for Your Cell Phones and Electronics! This is a new site (well, new to me) that allows you to list your gadgets, cell phones and other electronics. I like it because 1.) it’s limited to electronics so you won’t have to hash through old shoes, clothes, collectibles and dolls to find good gadgets, and 2.) uSell includes the top buyers of gadgets in their roster, so you know you’ll be getting bids from interested buyers.

Here’s the scoop on uSell:

• Search the site for your gadget or phone to see what the going price is on the item.
• Select the best offer coming your way.
• Send your device to uSell, and get paid.
• uSell has something called a “Max Cash Guarantee” that promises to get you the best offer on your gadget, or uSell will PAY YOU the difference.
• uSell has been mentioned by the Wall Street Journal, FOX, CBS, and the Chicago Tribune.
• Selling your old gadgets is WAY better than filling the landfills and much better than suffering through those online auction sites (IMHO).

Check it out if you have something to sell. You really don’t have anything to lose! I checked out the value of my iPhone, and a buyer would take it for $350! Wooo!

Well, without further ado, here are my favorites! Below is my absolute favorite gadget right now! I love it because I don’t like charging my i-devices into my computer downstairs. I have a power outlet converter in the outlet receptacle, but it is bulky and uses up my precious outlets. This is just amazing!

These are ice cube trays that make ice in the shape of the weirdo stone figures at Easter Island. They’d be a great conversation starter at a party.

I have long, long wanted something like this for my car. This gadget is for a bike… but maybe it can be adjusted. ;) You can record up to 20 seconds of whatever sound or message you like. Mine would probably be “OK OK! You go first!” or maybe “My brother is a cop!” Boy, a person could have a lot of fun with this one.

In a similar vein, here’s another car gadget. I love it! Although I could never get one because my car has absolutely NO dents.

I love this gadget. It’s a toe door opener. You know– it’s one of those many moments when you have a huge laundry basket filled with clothes, dishes, a few books, and a glass of water… And the door is shut? This is the perfect gadget.

Oh, I love this!! I don’t ride bikes anymore, but I would certainly appreciate all the bicyclists wearing dark clothing who ride on the side of the road in heavy traffic in the dark when it’s raining to have one of these. Yes, I’ve had a couple of close calls. You got a bike? GET THIS.

This is funny. It’s a Twitter notepad. Yeah, remember– pencil and paper? I suppose this is handy in case you are standing in line at the grocery store and have just GOT TO TWITTER but you have no Internet access. This is second best. Mmhmm.

Got a toddler who likes things that fly? Or maybe you just want to stomp out your frustrations after a hard day at work? It’s a rocker stomper. Love it.

And finally, in case the geeks are worried that practical housewifey inventions have taken over their geek sites, here’s one for the brainy person. OMG it would drive me nuts. But maybe I’d get it for my husband, Mr. Science Guy.

Those are the best I’ve seen so far. The site is loaded with gadgets, big and small. I could very, very easily spend a ton of money on this stuff….

The website is GeekAlerts.com. Isn’t that such a cool name??? GeekAlerts shows the best of the best geek gadgets, but don’t think they limit themselves to stuff for geeks. Some of the gifts are very practical, and others are outright hilarious! These are some of my favorites:

This is a waterproof iPad case. It’s perfect to wrap your iPad into if you are going to the beach, hiking in the woods, etc. I love it! GeekAlerts.com also has a long list of Apple Store promo code for Apple products. I wish I’d known about this site when I got my iPad.

The site also features a whole bunch of other iPad cases. I absolutely loved this one– it’s a wall-mount case! I could definitely use it because I like to watch the weather and news in the kitchen, but I hate having the iPad on the counter (I’m a rather sloppy cook). I love this case!

OK, THIS is for the GEEK. I don’t know what it is about bloggers and bacon, but there’s some kind of running gag with bacon this and bacon that. I’ve even seen bacon-flavored chapstick and sneakers that look like bacon, etc. Very funny! How about giving the resident geek some bacon-flavored toothpaste?

These cookie cutters are SO COOL. If I had any gumption to throw a big birthday bash for my sons, I’d get these and we’d have cookies instead of cake. I’d let the boys decorate their own cookies. It would keep the little urchins busy for HOURS, muahahaha!!

This is PERFECT for Father’s Day! I can’t believe I am late in finding this site. It’s a “bulletproof” USB key ring. No pansy plastic for the DAD. This is what I’m talking ’bout!

I could go on and on about all the quirky and delightful things they showcase. I think it’s a great place to get ideas for unique gifts. GeekAlert.com also has loads of coupons, including a page for ThinkGeek coupons for the “uber geek.”

It’s fun to peruse the gadget ideas. I think I am going to get that iPad case!

Having the king or queen over for burgers? Try these!

I really like these because they are so unique, but I could never use them on my table. I’m a bit of a klutz– I’d probably snag the ski on my drinking glass, and liquid would fly everywhere….

These are cute but there’s something slightly disgusting about shaking small crumbly items from an animal’s paw over my plate of food. :eek:

Now THESE are classy.

These are great for the literalist is the family…

Perfect for the next Geek Convention or Consumer Electronics show….

Don’t accidentally load these into your TV remote…

These are very nice, but how can you tell them apart? I’d get them mixed up.

I like these because they are so obvious. But they are so narrow; I’d probably tip them over.

These are really unconventional! But as with the animal paws, it makes my stomach a little queasy to shake a critter over my food and watch sprinkly stuff fall from its mouth to my plate…

For the LEGO freak.

And finally, the Rubik’s cube shakers, for when the dinner conversation gets dull and you need to get in a little gaming…

Which was your favorite? I think I like the royalty ones and the LEGO bricks one best.

I’ve incorporated electronics into my lifestyle for about 11 years now, when we got our first *real* computer. (Before then, I had an old Mac that I used infrequently). And my two youngest kids have grown up surrounded by gadgets. I am not 100% comfortable with it, honestly. I still cling to the “old” lifestyle of books and writing with pencils, and *gasp* cassette players!

But, yeah, I probably go to bed much later than I used to, now… and I do use the laptop sometimes, right before I go to bed. I also use my iPhone as an e-book reader. I think these gadgets do keep me up later.

What do you think? Has the inception of more gadgets in your life altered your sleep patterns?

While we traveled, I used the GPS thingy on my iPhone. I TOTALLY fell in love with it! Oh my goodness, do you know how cool it is to watch the little blue ball move down the satellite street lines as we travel along? LOL. Silly, I know. But I was able to direct the Hubs to our destinations pretty accurately. Well except for one time it said there was a road when there wasn’t. Oh, that was fun trying to get out of that. :pinch:

Another time during the trip, I needed to get to a store to buy a new phone charger (I left my old charger at home, dumb!)… all I had to do was search and scroll in on the map, and BANG it showed everything. How cool is that?!

I used a new phone app called Every Trail. If you’re interested in seeing a little of what it’s like (and how I did with it), see my EveryTrail Trip Guide to Seneca Falls and Geneva. Sheesh, the map is a mess and I took most of the photos while whizzing by in the car… still, it’s a learning experience and I hope to get the technique down better while I continue to use it.

I never used to be so crazy about GPS in cars, but I don’t think I will ever use a paper map again! Very cool!

Web and app developers are utilizing SMS texts for their programs more every day. I know, because I am using them all the time. I have always wondered how this is done (I am actually considering programming my own apps for the iPhone). There’s a nifty provider that supplies SMS Gateway capability for web and software programmers. The gateway is inserted into web apps or custom consoles. Think of all the nifty things such a little program can do– alert users of school closings, weather updates, doctor’s appointment reminders, church events and more. I am starting to rely rather heavily on SMS reminders for a lot of the things I need to do, and so I look for apps that have them. It’s a wonderfully convenient feature for very little cost.

If you are a developer or programmer, you may want to peruse the website. There’s a live demo, FAQs, and examples of the type of things you can do with this. I think it’s very cool!

I’m very fussy about the speed and comfort of my keyboards. They must have a low profile with scrabble-like keys, be FAST (my HP Wireless Elite is very nice, but it cannot keep up with my fast typing), and, if possible, be wireless. Basically, I’ve been looking for an Apple keyboard for a PC! I decided to try the Microsoft Arc Wireless keyboard.

It is tiny, measuring slightly over 12 inches (311mm) and 6 inches (154mm). There’s no number pad to the left. I didn’t think I’d miss the number pad, as I don’t use it that much. Wrong. Before I jump into that, let me describe the MS Arc.

Besides being tiny, it’s battery-operated– wireless. The keyboard comes with a small wireless dongle and two small batteries. It’s very easy to pop everything in and get going.

The keys are nice– not too spongy and not too tough. The keys make muted clicks as I type, not very noticeable and not unpleasant. The keyboard is shaped in an “arc”: it rises in the center slightly.

Four small pads support the keyboard and raise it slightly off the surface of the desk. I suppose it would be a nice feature if my desk were flat, but it’s not. The keyboard wobbles as I type, and it’s REALLY really annoying.

I’ve tried pressing in the little black pads, and partially pulling them out, to adjust the wobble. No go. So I finally laid a rubber mat on my desk and placed the keyboard on top of that. That has removed the wobble, but now my desk looks goofy with the rubbery placemat on it.

After the initial shock of how really tiny the thing is, I’ve weighed the pros and cons. Here are the most noticeable features that I found:

Wireless with small footprint
The wireless connection is a real plus, and seems very strong. The keyboard is small. I like that it’s small– I can move it anywhere on the desk and it fits and it stays connected. I have a cat that loves to sit on my desk, right in front of my monitor on top of my keyboard. With the MS Arc, I can at least move the thing to another part of my desk before kitty deletes my work.

Tiny Keys
The keys are tiny, and crammed together a little too close for comfort. I have small hands, sure, but this is pretty tiny. If you are a man with monster palms, pass over this keyboard. You’re fingers will be in knots. Ladies, if you want a small keyboard, this is it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a tiny one (except on a netbook). The key layout is different, too– the “Home” and “End” buttons are at the top, in the same row as the Function keys. Also, Microsoft says you can turn the keyboard on and off by pressing the “escape” and “Functon” key. That isn’t working for me. I can’t figure out how to turn the dang thing off. There’s supposed to be a little green light that tells you when it’s on or off.. but the light isn’t showing at all for me.

The Arrow Key sucks
Is it just me? I use the arrow keys a lot. I thought I could do without a right-hand number pad… boy, was I wrong. I use the arrow keys ALL the time. This is the MS Arc arrow key.

Pretty lame. I wouldn’t have minded a keyboard a little larger to accommodate full keys for each arrow.

Dust and Fingerprint Magnet
The keyboard is a glossy black. Dust collects on it easily, and if you’re looking to fool Sherlock Holmes, look for another keyboard. The thing is a fingerprint magnet. If you noticed the cat in the picture above, she’s got white hair. So after a day of activity, the keyboard looks like a Chia Pet.

Fast and Responsive
So far, the keyboard has been able to keep up with my high-speed bursts of typing. I’m a hunter-and-pecker, but I can move pretty quickly at 70-80 wpm or more, at times. The keyboard experiences no delay, and the keys are strong and very responsive to touch.

Expensive
The Microsoft Arc sells retail $50. I think that’s much too expensive for this keyboard. It’s HALF the size of some of the big whoppers, and you can get a far superior wireless Apple Aluminum for only $20, $30 more.

The Bottom Line
The Microsoft Arc is OK. The keys are just as I like them– low-profile and easy to press. But the crammed key spacing, the funky arrow key, the annoying wobble, and inability to turn the power on and off is a real detriment. The cost at $50 is to much to pay for a keyboard that is simply “OK.” Unless you are looking for the ultimate in tiny desktop wireless keyboards, you may be better off saving some money and going with another product.

Now, I do tend to like Microsoft products, even though they are expensive (when they are made well, of course). Of all the different mouses I have tried, I like the MS wireless 4000 best (I just ordered two more for my collection, haha!). And my husband uses a Microsoft keyboard for his computer, and likes it enough. I probably wouldn’t go so far as to sell MS promotional pens or be a geek with touting Windows GOPromos promotional items… but Microsoft does make some good stuff. I know, I know, they are the company everyone is supposed to hate, right? Well, I do dislike many things about the company but I think they make good mouses and a few good keyboards. I wish they’d drop their prices, though. The stuff ain’t THAT good.

Note: This is not a paid review.

Update: I did finally figure out how to turn the keyboard on and off. Press the “Esc” and “Function” keys for a few seconds. Unfortunately, this is not clear on the Microsoft website, as all they say is “Press function + escape to easily turn the keyboard on and off.” You have to press AND hold the keys.