When I was a kid, there were several shows about “bloopers” (accidents or errors, usually in film or writing). My brothers and I just loved the sports bloopers! And while I was never fond of pranks, we did from time to time enjoy “Candid Camera” (when the prank wasn’t a heart-stopper). One of the things I really enjoy is waiting until the very end of a movie to see bloopers. I jusyt thik they’re so funny.

I saw a list of Church Bulletin Bloopers at Jodi’s Journey. I nearly fell out of my chair in laughter! These are funny and are good, wholesome humor. Here are the ones I found the funniest:

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services….

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.”

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ” Break Forth Into Joy.”

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

I found these on the Internet. I should be looking for cheaper car insurance and folding the laundry that has piled up in two days… but I am so tired and need a good laugh! Some of these are so funny that I just have to share, because sharing makes you feel good inside.

Click this for a larger image to increase chuckle. It’s especially funny to us because my Hubs works for the Postal Service. HA!

This one is funny but it makes me sad at the same time. Sigh.

Hehe, this is great.

OMG we Windows users can all appreciate this one! This is what I feel like my computer is doing to me, some days.

This one just made me crack up, really made me laugh.

And this. It speaks for itself. Yep.

I was dropping Entrecards and came across a blog, Joe Somebody, that had a post about 10 great office pranks. I’m no prankster, and I don’t take pranks very graciously, but this one made me smile:

5. I have never done this one, but it is amusing if it works. Have the receptionist or secretary of your company write out a “While You Were Out” ticket. The caller’s name could be Mr. Bear or Mr. Lion. Have the receptionist write down that this person had a technical question. Let the phone number be to a local zoo. When your colleague calls, he will be calling the zoo and asking for Mr. Bear.

ROFL!

Oh boy. I just remembered something. A list that was in circulation a few years ago, that made me laugh hilariously then. I found it, and I’m laughing hilariously again!

Nineteen Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “In”.

5. Put decaf in the coffeemaker For 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Don’t use any punctuation

7. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

8. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

9. Ask where are the popcorn machines and sing along at the opera.

10. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won!, I Won!”

11. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!”

12. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.” :-p

I found these photos at Only in Silence blog. They are pictorial suggestions for making the Olympics a little more interesting. A picture is worth a thousand words in this respect! LOL!

Check out the blog for more photos. Funny!

My husband works for the Postal Service sometimes. So I got a great big kick out of this goofy photo.

/p>
I hate it when those packing peanuts spill out of the shipping box! Woe to the person who has to pick all that up, lol!

Hat tip Slacker Heaven for the photo.

Food for thought on a Sunday….

______________________________

Sunday church service had just finished, and a little girl walked out the building and onto the sidewalk, carrying her Bible. A group of snickering young men sneered at her as she walked past them. One of them, a self-proclaimed skeptic, called out to her.

“Little girl, do you really believe in that Bible”?

“Yes, I do,” she stopped to look at the man.

“Ha! Do you really believe in those stories in the Bible?” he sneered.

“Yes, I do.” she said seriously.

“Ha! Do you really believe that Jonah was swallowed by a whale and spent three days in its belly?”

“Of course I do!” she said.

“If Jonah was really in the belly of the whale, then how did he breathe?” The young man laughed and all his buddies laughed with him.

“I don’t know. When I get to heaven, I’ll ask him.” She smiled a big grin.

“Well, what if he’s not in heaven?” The man continued to mock her.

“Then you can ask him!” She smiled and walked away.

______________________________

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’ ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ and ‘Thou Shalt Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

______________________________

Odd Signs

Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG
20p DO-IT-YOURSELF

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in a dry cleaner’s window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS
WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY
NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS
A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

______________________________

Absentee excuses– these are real absent notices written by parents. Some of these are so weird that you wonder if they are just employee excuses to the boss for playing Titleist golf…

My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

______________________________

ROFL! I came across this funny post at Natasha’s World today.

THE WORLD’S SHORTEST FAIRYTALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?”

The girl said: “NO!”. And the girl lived happily ever-after and went shopping, dancing, camping, always had a clean house, never cooked, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t gain weight, traveled more, had fun going on dates, had plenty of money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the movies, never had to watch sports, never wore friggin’ lacy lingerie that went up her butt crack, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

The End

What a lovely story!

The only sad thing about it is that the girl got lonely from time to time, had no children (which is a crucial element for a very happy story), and some guy sure was miserable because he missed out on having a woman in his life.

I have two daughters and I hope they never marry. Why? Because I hate men? No, that’s not why, and I don’t hate men! because of this:

But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this…

An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

I Corinthians 7:8-35

This is true and I believe Paul had wisdom. Marriage is not for everyone. It can be such a blessing, but it is a fact that it is a distraction.