I have learned a lot as a member of Entrecards, visiting all sorts of blogs. I’ve learned that there are some incredibly talented and witty people who run great blogs, and I’m a lot smarter and blessed by them. I’ve also learned that there are a lot of really lousy, crappy blogs that are basically springboards for all sorts of perverse behavior. I try to stay focused on the really good blogs and not let the bad behavior of other sites bother me. But I admit, sometimes I get in a sour mood after seeing the nasty ones.

I’ve also noticed that a lot of blogs are devoted to relationships, especially marital (or marital-type) relationships. One blog I came across today caught me by surprise with its candor and insight. It’s called the Marriage Puzzle blog. The post is titled, “A Woman and Her Existence” and it is a very poignant and perceptive post, despite its brevity. It got me thinking, especially this part:

A woman’s capacity to love can draw the very best from a man… it can make him feel wanted, needed, important, and great. The way she patiently wait for him to arrive from a whole day work symbolizes her love. When his nerves and spirit are shattered and exhausted, her loves can comfort him. When discouragement crushes his will and his hopes and dreams have crumbled, she can help him build new ones.

Many men are nearly totally unaware of a woman’s need for romantic love. For men, romance might be an added benefit, but certainly not a requirement. But not with a woman! A relationship without romance would drive her wild with frustration. She needs to be cherished, loved, respected, appreciated and be treated special. It is unjustifiable for a man to ignore his wife’s need for romantic love as it is for her to deny him his sexual urges.

It made me think about marriage today, how it is depicted in Western culture. Marriage gets a really, really bad rap, you know that? I don’t know why. I think marriage is one of the greatest institutions known to man. I’ve been unmarried and I’m married, so I’ve been on both sides; I think I have some insight about this.

Think about how marriage (that lifetime commitment of body and mind between man and woman) is treated today. You who drop Entrecards, you see what I see– ads everywhere showing slinky women vying for the momentary attentions and lusts of men; and men blogging about (and showing photos of) the women that entice them. It’s very obvious that the man’s desire for physical satisfaction is what comes FIRST in our culture. It’s like I say to my husband, “Western culture is a teenage boy’s dream come true.”

But where are the woman’s needs emphasized? “Romantic love” is what we call it today, but when I think of that term, Harlequin novels come to mind. I don’t think “romance” is accurate. Women need to be loved- to be wooed, to be reassured, to be special and to be that “only woman” to a man. Men complain that women complain about their man’s wandering eyes. “It’s only natural” to lust after other women, men complain. Yet they completely ignore that the woman’s desire to be the only woman is “only natural” too. Why do men want to be “natural” when it comes to them, but dismiss the woman’s “natural” desires?

What I’m saying is that responsibility and committment are missing in our relationships in this culture. In our culture the message is this: the physical relationship is premier, and if women won’t fall in line with that, then they are cast off as undesirable. Even among marriages, this attitude persists. In our culture, the woman has to bend over backwards to please her man sexually; but for some inexplicable reason, the man is completely excused from giving his wife that “agape” love (agape is a Greek word for unconditional affection and self-sacrificing commitment) that is essential to her existence as a woman.

People are not animals who copulate at will. People have thoughts, reasonings, feelings, and are accountable to God for their actions. Marriage is holy, God said. Degrading the man/woman relationship to a level with beavers and dogs is disgusting. Why do we women tolerate it and even encourage such behavior in our culture? Why is there such an inequality, even though modern woman touts her “liberation” and “independence” in our culture today?

I’d like to hear your thoughts about this. Do you see this discrepancy, this inequality? Why do you think this is so, and why do women (and good men) tolerate it?

I am finding the most wonderful blogs (and bloggers! :D ) online through Entrecards. I am just amazed at how blessed I am by some of these people! I am especially overwhelmed at the graciousness and femininity of the Filipina bloggers. These women (and many times, their husbands) blog about their families and family values. It is marvelous to see. I admire them.

I came across one blog this morning, Pinay Wife Speaks, and read her post “On Marriage: Think Again.” She had posted a story she got from her husband via email. What a story! READ THIS!

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When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her
hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate
quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let
her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic
calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away
the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we
didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find
out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her
anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which
stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who
had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt
sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take
back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly
in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was
actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me
for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep
and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just
did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t
want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal
a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked
me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her
out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was
going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her
odd request.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she
has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the
first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is
holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From
the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t
tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put
her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove
alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned
on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that
I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of
intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her
life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of
intimacy was growing again.. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became
easier to carry her as the month slipped by.. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a
few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness
in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry
mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I
held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to
school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life
lacked intimacy.

I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without
locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…
I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I
do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do
you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I
said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she
and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love
each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home
on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled
and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that
build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

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I cried when I read the story. I’ve been married for almost twenty years, and we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs like anybody else. This story is a wonderful reminder that marriage is more than just a convenient contract, it’s a lifetime covenant.

ROFL! I came across this funny post at Natasha’s World today.

THE WORLD’S SHORTEST FAIRYTALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?”

The girl said: “NO!”. And the girl lived happily ever-after and went shopping, dancing, camping, always had a clean house, never cooked, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t gain weight, traveled more, had fun going on dates, had plenty of money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the movies, never had to watch sports, never wore friggin’ lacy lingerie that went up her butt crack, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

The End

What a lovely story!

The only sad thing about it is that the girl got lonely from time to time, had no children (which is a crucial element for a very happy story), and some guy sure was miserable because he missed out on having a woman in his life.

I have two daughters and I hope they never marry. Why? Because I hate men? No, that’s not why, and I don’t hate men! because of this:

But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this…

An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

I Corinthians 7:8-35

This is true and I believe Paul had wisdom. Marriage is not for everyone. It can be such a blessing, but it is a fact that it is a distraction.