We took Livvy and the Yorkies to a public rabies clinic last week. There were literally hundreds of animals there. We saw a ferret, some cats and a billion dogs. As a matter of fact, cats were outnumbered by dogs probably 150 to 1. Dogs, dogs, dogs… yelping, sniffing, pooping, urinating, barking, barking and did I say barking? The entire fiasco got me thinking about dogs vs cats. Namely, that cats are WAAAAY better than dogs. Why, you ask? Well, there are multitudes of reasons why! Here are merely ten of them:
10. Cats don’t bite and slobber all over you.
I tell my kids that “any provoked animal will bite,” but cats don’t bite as a first means of defense. Yeah, they scratch but dogs scratch AND bite. And dogs drool and slobber. Yuk!
I have never had a “slobbery” dog (I think it’s the big dogs that do that, mostly) but I’ve handled enough slimy tennis balls and squeaky toys from the neighbor dogs to be scarred for the rest of my life.
9. Cats don’t yelp, bark, howl, or growl.
Cats make the cutest little meows. They purr. Sometimes they may growl when threatened, but cats are almost always quiet.
We once adopted a cute little beagle, Daisy, and she was so cute. But beagles bark. A LOT. Poor Daisy couldn’t bark, although she tried like no tomorrow. The previous owner had her voice box removed! It was weird to see Daisy try to bark and bark and nothing would come out. The UPS man, who liked her a lot and would toss her a biscuit every time he delivered a package to the door, once said of Daisy, “I know she’s trying to tell me something, but I can’t figure out what it is!” As sad as Daisy’s predicament was, deep down I was glad she didn’t bark loudly. My neighbors would have had fits.
8. Cats use a litter box. Dogs dump it anywhere.
Cats can even be toilet trained. For all the training a dog must go through, someone please tell me why no one has even been able to train a dog to use the toilet. Or to AT LEAST not go all over the carpet. Yeah, yeah, a dog can roll over or get a stick, big whoop. How about controlling that bladder, huh?
I once had a dog who I brought indoors, thinking I could train her to be a polite and clean little indoor dog. She promptly puked all over my carpet and sat down to scrape her butt across the floor. She was outside the next day.
We went to PetSmart the other day, and in the parking lot my poor son stepped into a mound of dog doo. It was a honking big mound, and I scolded him for not watching his step. But then I gazed around the parking lot and saw a vast minefield of the stuff everywhere. How could we NOT miss it? Disgusting. Cats don’t do that!
7. Cats cost less than dogs.
Vet bills are lower (and visits are easier). Cat food is less expensive and cats eat less than dogs. Dogs need licenses and shots– and why? Because dogs are more dangerous that cats, since they are more easily provoked and more aggressive.
6. Cats don’t assault your house guests.
We all know what dogs do with new people.
5. Cats don’t stink. And they WASH.
Cats have the cutest little pink tongues. Who doesn’t like to have a cat come up and give them an affectionate little kiss on the hand or face? But do you want a St. Bernard or German Shepherd to come up and lick your face?
I’ve heard that the reason dogs smell is because of their oil glands. Well, just like toilet training, WHY the heck hasn’t this been resolved? If some knucklehead can remove my beagle’s voice box, why can’t we remove– or at least BREED out— the stinkiness of oil glands? What’s the purpose of, for example, sending a man to the moon while leaving us earthlings to suffer untold olfactory agony by dog stink? Something’s wrong here….
4. Cats are low maintenance.
It tickles me that men, in general, like their women “low” maintenance and yet get dogs that are “high” maintenance. Dogs need to be walked, they need frequent baths (see #5), they need collars and muzzles and leashes and carriers and brushings and good heavens I’m exhausted already!
Additionally, if you go away for the weekend, you can leave your cat and expect the house to be in one piece when you return. But would you leave a dog alone?
3. Cats are funnier.
When was the last time you rolled on the floor laughing over a “LOLDog” caption? Wait– what? You don’t know about LOLDogs? Gee, I wonder why!
I Can Haz Cheeseburger ROCKS. “LOLCats” has become a part of our vernacular. LOLCats are hilarious! LOLDogs are… not.
2. Cats get rid of vermin.
Mice, chipmunks, and house flies quake in fear when a cat resides in a home.
When we bought our house, the place had been vacant and in disrepair for a while. The wild critters had begun to invade. My husband and I would be sipping coffee in the evenings, talking, when we’d see mice boldly scamper across the floor. As soon as I got a cat, the mice problem was resolved. Our orange tabby, Milo, would sometimes let us know that he’d had a successful night by bestowing gifts to the man of the house. (Quick question: now how do cats know which human is the man of the house??? Anyway…). One morning, the husband rolled over in bed and discovered a slightly bloody little mouse lying on the mattress next to him. Purring with pride by the bedside was Milo. While the situation was disgusting, he actually single-pawedly got rid of the mouse problem. Good kitty.
1. Cats don’t eat poop.
And there, my dear reader, are merely ten reasons why cats rule. I can think of many, many more. Can you?
Disclaimer: For you tender-hearted, dog-loving, misguided people out there– this was a post IN JEST. I mean no offense to folks who love dogs more than cats, despite my bewilderment about your dire predicament. I hope my post offers you some good reasons and will, in some humble way, contribute to your recovery.