Turn Right. No… The Other Right

March 6, 2012


I love my GPS. I really do. But some days…. POW, right in the kisser!

I used to wrangle with paper maps. And once I opened one of those things, I could NEVER fold it back up. NEVER. It was like the Rubik’s Cube to me. HOW THE HECK DO YOU DO THIS, AGAIN?!?! In frustration, I would wad up the tablecloth-sized map and toss it in the back seat. A few years later, I married and I started to have children, and they needed a place to sit, so….

So I got a GPS last year, while in Virginia. I saw my brother with one and fell in love with it. It helps me to drive at night because the display shows the curves of the roads. Oh, I am no longer so nervous driving through the big cities with the GPS!

It’s been a really great tool, until last week when I had to drive to the other side of the state. For some reason, my GPS went bananas. TWICE.


Do you know how a GPS works? You punch in your destination, and a graphic display of the map shows up. Small directional arrows point the way, while a soothing voice (I like TomTom’s “Richard”) talks you through. Well, Richard was a little loopy one day. While driving out toward Rochester, I came to an intersection. The screen showed an arrow pointing me left. Richard chimed in, “Turn right.”


“Did you hear that??” I asked my daughter, next to me. “Did you just hear him telling me to turn right?”

Daughter: Mmhm. Yep.

Me: Well… where do I go??

So I decide to ignore the visual cue and follow Richard’s lilting voice.

Stupid man. :hmph: Why oh why did I listen to him?!

We drove on for about 3 miles. When I started to see cows dotting the landscape, I realized we were not driving toward the city.

Me, screaming: RICHARD, you dummy! I believed in you!! Do you have any idea how expensive gas is?!

Muttering angry threats and wondering if TomTom, Inc. has investments with Citgo, Inc., I turned away from the cud-chewing cows and sped back to where we started. Lo and behold, Richard (no doubt realizing I was about to throw him out the window) directed me appropriately. OK OK, I am a forgiving person. I made amends. Richard was good and we reached our destination.

But on the way back, he did it again!!! The screen pointed me LEFT and Richard said “Turn right.”

Oh Richard, Richard…. how can you do this to me?! I lamented so loudly that some folks at the gas station turned to look at me. I trusted him! He betrayed me again!!

My poor daughter was silent for a while, listening to me rant and rail against Richard. When I was finally quiet, she giggled and said:

Maybe he means “The Other Right,” mom.

I bust laughing at that.


But from now on, I’ll always be watching out for Richard… maybe I should scrap him and go for Bonnie or Sam…. hmmmm…

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4 Responses to “Turn Right. No… The Other Right”

  1. Lin Says:

    My mother calls her GPS “Michael” as in the archangel. Yeah, well, she insisted we use him and HIM ONLY when we went to see Col at school. Michael led us into a dead end at the bad edge of town. I told her that he was gonna get us raped and killed. Thanks a lot, Michael.

    I use it, but sparingly–with one eye on the map.

  2. Rena Says:

    I have never used a GPS. I actually like maps. However I am sure I would love a GPS if I had to drive in a bigger city. I guess I keep myself enclosed to places that are easy to navigate with a map. But then again, I hate busy road driving. If I wish to visit a big city then I sign up for a bus trip lol.

  3. Susi Says:

    We have had some minor issues with our GPS. My mom lives in the middle of nowhere and the GPS got us there but after a long and winding way. We now go the way we know and drive our lady crazy!!!! šŸ™‚


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